Ever since the first experience I had seeing a spirit there have been many more, but not for me, for the person close to me. It happened for them a lot. She didn't like them, they were terrifying for her. I saw her speak to a spirit once, again she went in a trance like state and her eyes welled with tears as she stared transfixed at this person who the rest of us couldn't see. What was even spookier was that we managed to look up and find real evidence of the person she had described, and how they died etc. It all matched. I past off my first experience of seeing a spirit as being through her, I must have 'conducted' her powers some how. Needless to say I didn't stop trying to see things.
I was fascinated by it, the paranormal, the spirit world, then eventually as a teenager paganism and Wicca. I think a lot of this though at my age was in a desperate attempt to belong to something, and feel worth something, and a lot of the things I practiced at this point may well have drawn negative things to me, because I did them in such a negative way. I believed in it, or at least thought I did, but it was no real commitment as I would have dropped anything to fit in to some social group, which was the way it went, as I did. Despite all the things that happened in this period, incidences of psychic phenomenon and the spells me and my best friend did apparently working, I dropped it as soon as I got into a social group. The first thing I was asked as a insecure, inadequate school girl by this group was 'are you a witch?' and I laughed it off and denied it to fit in. Despite all the things that pointed me in the direction of spirituality there were a lot of things driving me away, and I chased after them.
I did always believe in intuition, and spirituality and went to see many psychics and mediums throughout the years. Some of them were breath taking, some not so convincing. Two stand out in my mind. First one, age 17 was the most amazing experience I'd had so far. She knew everything, even experiences and more surprising names that nobody could possibly know about. She knew into my heart and comforted me, assuring me everything was gonna be OK. She also said I would be getting into psychology, and teaching etc, and (yes it's arguable that I made these choices because of this lady) but that was the path I followed, and the path I excelled in at A-Levels. The second experience with a clairvoyant was even more stand out.
It was during university, after every thing had started to go wrong. I was failing at my course, had lost all my friends after my extremely erratic behavior and had given up everything for the love of a boy who didn't want me and his friends who I believed cared about me but here I was sat on a bench in Birmingham, with nobody to turn to. I sat on a bench outside a blockbuster where I had collected all my DVDs to sell to earn a bit of money. I was going to spend it on all the necessary tablets and alcohol I needed to take an overdose. I was certain of what I was going to do. It was simply just a question of doing it. I sat contemplating it, but calmly, when this woman sat next to me and started talking to me about her daughter. She discussed how her daughter had left a man that had hit her straight away and I commented on how it was an admirable decision to have made. The woman started talking to me about positive thinking being the key to changing things. She then announced that she was a clairvoyant and that she could see that I needed help. She talked to me in great and astonishing detail about everything that had gone on and was happening. I cried in amazement as she then went on to tell me not to fear, that I was gonna be OK. I thanked her and asked if I could see her on a professional basis. She said no, because when she was told she had the gift, she was told to use it to help people and that's why she chose to help me. She said, I too had the gift and I must use it to help people. She then got on a bus, and drove away, leaving me awestruck, but significantly, not suicidal.
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