Now please, please don't think that I am saying that these disorders do not exist. Depression is a terrible illness, that can dawn from no apparent reason or external factors. Eating disorders can completely take control over your life, become your life, with your whole world surrounded by your eating and weight. A sufferer of an eating disorder knows this, there's not a moment that it drops from your consciousness. When I started having periods of massive highs and lows, notably rather like taking drugs but without being on drugs, it seemed that my early drug debacles with ecstasy as a young teenager had damaged me. Well, this is what I believed. I was a keen and interested psychology student, and my past drug taking behavior, past bulimia, and perhaps possible genetic predisposition made it clear to me, my family and the doctors I was Bipolar type 1. Then after a series of extremely negative events in my life, consequent erratic relationships with people and my floods of emotion and anger associated with my PTSD it seemed fitting to the doctors that I was Borderline Personality Disorder. It all seemed to fit into place. Why I couldn't maintain relationships and friendships, why I was so angry and upset at the world. Now I am not here to slag off Doctors. I massively respect Doctors and Psychiatrists, they are people trying to help people and working in the mental health industry is no peace of cake, I speak from experience. However to me, looking back, it seems clear to me why my mental health took such massive declines.
Just around the time I was diagnosed my depression at age 14, is just when I left the path of spirituality behind, of empowerment of myself. I looked back at my early beliefs and interests in spirituality and even my practices of Wicca etc as childhood naivety, I had dropped it in a second just to be part of the social group that I had prayed for, and by the time I began my studies as a psychology student, they were long gone. I believed in psychics and mediums at this point but I no longer believed in the spiritual power of myself, and my spiritual power as an entity of nature and mother Earth. To be honest even this was a sign to me. I was dedicated to psychology and to become a psychologist however I still sort out psychics and mediums. Everything psychology teaches goes against psychics and mediums. They are past off as con artists and swindlers, and their techniques scrutinized and torn to shreds. Well in fairness, like everything each socio-economic, cultural, religious or political groups there are people that let others down. It is important to acknowledge that. I believe my soul was telling me to head back towards the route of spirituality because I was always fascinated with clairvoyants etc however psychology was telling me it was bullshit. A typical conflict of head over heart.
Let me tell you something now, in terms of spirituality as a science if you are not following what this hippy fruit-loop is saying. The body gives off electro-magnetic signals that are measurable by scientific methods. There has been findings of a great deal on energy coming from the heart, and about the hearts role as a strong communicator to the brain, and the heart has been named as key player in 'perception, cognition and emotional processing'. Interesting as well is the finding that sustained feelings of love synchronize heart rhythms with that of the respiratory and oscillatory systems as well as brain activity. In spirituality there is 7 chakras. The heart chakra is named as being key for love, understanding, trust, hope, openess, compassion, balance, forgiveness. Hey look, I just listed all the key things important to understanding and dealing with people who suffer from any sort of melancholy or negative experience whatsoever. This is certainly, the final key aspects that helped in my recovery. But back to the original point, my heart was telling me to go towards a spiritual route, I have love and openness for spirituality however my ego and mind were telling me it was stupid and to be a psychologist. So if the heart can in both spirituality and science be the key to love and well-being, surely we must follow it? The heart is a master aside the brain in the body, and therefore this represents that love is the decider of our overall well being. You must do what you love, not what is sensible, to increase your well being. I think science would agree with me at least on the well being front. We all in our lives, seek love and seek meaning. Maybe it is appropriate to find these by thinking back to the very core basics of what you love. Listen to your heart not your head (most of the time!)
As a psychology student, a mental health patient, and anyone who is aware of the society that we live in I think it's fair to say that spirituality and it's various therapeutic methods have a massive stigma attached to them. In fact one of the interesting things I learnt through being a sufferer and researcher of Bipolar Disorder led me to ask myself and others questions about spirituality. I felt as a Bipolar that during my periods of mania that I had spiritual recognition and empowerment. I mentioned before that my periods of taking drugs I also felt this. That was what mania was for me, it was the feeling of being on drugs when not being on drugs, like I never stopped having the high and come down cycle of ecstasy. When I was depressed, I felt like I was in the company or sometimes ruled by bad spirits, and I often felt possessed and unattached from myself. Now these are atypical symptoms of Bipolar and the associated psychoses, however they are, are they not spiritual beliefs and concepts? Then why, in my medical psychiatric records has it specifically noted these down as being psychoses when they are beliefs. Again, I'd like to reiterate here that I'm not saying either are the spot on answer. You are not definitely possessed or empowered and you are not definitely suffering from a simple brain psychosis and not the subject of spiritual awakening. It is ridiculous on both fronts to rule out one or the other! Nobody in life can say at this moment that they know everything there is to know about the world, therefore it is ignorant to not acknowledge anything. However the only thing certain here is belief, or faith. As a person, I felt spiritual imbalance in my life, and I believed these things about myself but I couldn't put my HEART into it because more was rational was to have faith in the medical diagnoses of psychosis and therefore put me as being a victim of an illness rather than a powerful spiritual entity, and one capable of changing the future.
Now this society, your doctor, your family, your friends or even YOU might have stigma against the latter option. Can I just ask that should you not believe it, and if someone else believes it, then if you can't say anything nice, don't say nothin at all? People have the human right and freedom in this society to believe in whatever they want, and it is not for any body to criticize. The powerful effect of words and response from others is most life changing, I think everybody can agree to that in both science and spiritualism. If you get called fat at school, when you are older you might have an eating disorder. I have first hand experience with this. The external social responses of both positive and negative feed back can shape us accordingly, and it takes a very strong person not to come against this unprepared. If you are hurting because of what some idiot said to you then don't worry, you are definitely not alone, and no, we can't always account for negative energy that is being sent to you, to your heart. But again the theme here remains constant and you must believe in your cause, and have faith in that these people can not take it away from you. You are a powerful person, and you can protect yourself emotionally and spiritually as long as you keep this strong faith to your cause and belief in yourself. I am suggesting that the power to heal yourself comes in the belief and faith that things can change, that you can have a happy future rather than anything else.
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